Day 9 – Washing day (no counting of the articles on the line please!)

I remember a funny experience many, many years ago when I first moved out on my own. I had to go away on a work trip for a week or so with a Member of the Administrative Appeals Tribunal I worked for.

I thought I would leave the washing to soak, thinking it would be as good as new when I returned. Seriously, I was surprised to see a whole heap of mould. It inspired me to write the poem below, which is found in an unpublished book I wrote entitled POEMS FOR WEDDING RECEPTIONS And Poems Definitely Not For Wedding Receptions. If you’re a real poet and would like to consider whether the book is worth working on yourself with the aim of getting it published I‘Il send you a copy. Reed Books publishers did express interest at one stage:

DOMESTIC HELP REQUIRED

It's a brave woman that takes James on

I'll tell you a little about when James left home

Leaving home with domestic skills, shall we say, 'less than great'

I'm really not sure how he found his mate

James needs a wife to be a full-time mother

for around the house he's equaled by no other

Just ask his brother who checked his flat

the month he holidayed in Ararat

James had split, leaving the washing to soak

Just imagine it – what a joke!

The frogs that croaked and the mould he grew

meant the clothes (James) were not 'as good as new'

Things around his house were shockingly dire

He could have drowned in his own bathroom mire

or been caught in a fire, or his own mouse traps

which were hard to see under household scraps

Despite the live things in James’ fridge

he found a girl who was ridgy-didge*

She made a safe bridge across the unsterile

moved the dirty dishes and tarried for a while

But the whole flat had to be condemned

and James placed in a holding pen

This girl deserves a ten and our wishes best

I think she deserves a medal on her chest!

James was freed yesterday from the jail-house

although his freedom's at the mercy of his spouse

If she's got any nous, so she can hack it

I'd advice keep him in the straight jacket!

*Australian colloquial term for authentic, true, honest